Stress

"The seed cast in the weeds represents the ones who hear the kingdom news but are overwhelmed with worries about all the things they have to do and all the things they want to get. The stress strangles what they heard, and nothing comes of it." Mark 4:18-19 (The Message)

I've been working on starting a college group at my church, so Man vs. Bible has been a little neglected lately. Don't worry though, if there's one thing I know how to do well, it's how to waste my time productively.
Hey. Take a deep breath. Close your eyes for a second. Calm down.
Today I wanna talk about stress. Stress is like the common cold; we all get it sometimes, we all hate it all the time, and there's no real cure. There’s big stress, like "How am I going to make it through another day without feeling happy?" or "How do I owe so much money to a company that makes hats for squirrels?"

Or there’s small stress, like "I haven't written a blog post in a long time, I hope no one is waiting on me.." (though personally, I would say don't sweat the small stuff.)

The fact is every once in a while, God likes to throw us a curveball when things seem to be going well. It's not because He likes to watch us lose sleep at night, and I promise you He doesn't. It's because He has to remind us that we're as strong as He made us in the first place.
I admit, sometimes that stress can build up and seem a little... big.

When this happens, I'lI ask God, "Isn't this problem a little big for me to handle?"

And God says, "Yes. Now go get it."

I dunno about you, but I love a good challenge, especially when I know God's got my back. So I run in head first.

Give it to God

That phrase can be pretty frustrating, because a lotta times you feel like you can't physically give your problem to God so you don't understand what it means to "give it to God." Well, I've thought about that for a long time, and the way I figure it, it means to just stop worrying.

When you worry, you either frantically try to think of ways you can solve your problems yourself, or you convince yourself that there is no solution and that it's out of your hands. What 'giving it to God' suggests is letting Him worry about it instead, because frankly, it is out of your hands. God's gonna take care of you whether you surrender your problems to His care or not, so what's the point in stressing about them?

Sometimes we just need that reminder of the truth; we are always in good hands.

Jesus calmed the seas and quieted the storms. I think he can handle a little stress (or a whole lot of stress honestly.)

P.S. I'll post a follow-up of this topic around finals week I'm sure. You know, if I get bored of studying for some reason.

In the meantime, I want to hear how you fight stress. How do you de-stress when things get heavy?

Worship

“My heart, O God, is steadfast; I will sing and make music with all my soul.” - Psalm 108:1

I’d like to do things a little differently with today’s post; not only are we going to have some fun with the bible, but you might just learn a little something about how to play my favorite instrument: the tambourine guitar.

(Note: There is a guitar literally three feet away from me right now and this is still the best one I can draw. Good job, me.)

Praising God is easy since there’s literally infinity million things to praise Him for, but why speak praise in a normal boring voice when you can sing it from your heart like a real champ? Worship (not to be confused with warship) just doesn’t feel like worship without music.

“God is spirit, and his worhipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth.” - John 4:24

I know what you’re thinking; “I can’t sing, my voice sounds like a garbage truck, or a garbage disposal, or just garbage.” WRONG. God isn’t a critic, you crazy kids. And anyway, if you’re really that uncomfortable with the way you sound, then maybe you should give the old six-string a try. (No banjos or ukuleles please.)

How To Play Guitar (Kind Of)

Chords: Now then, the only tricky part is learning how to play. Personally I’ve been playing for about five years, and every once in a while I find that learning a new worship song can be pretty simple. It’s all about finding a song with easy chords. Sometimes it’s like

Easy Chord

but then other times it’s like,

Not Easy Chord

which is hard, and makes me feel like

Not Happy

Strumming Pattern: So once you get your chords down, you gotta figure out the rhythm of the song so you can strum it. Calm down, Captain Capo, we’re not talking about any complicated solos here. Keep it basic, plain and simple up and down strumming to the beat of the song. You know what, to be honest, you can just kind of do whatever you want with strumming. Nobody will notice if you mess up. You can’t do it wrong. Seriously, go nuts.

Not that nuts.

Reading Music: I don’t know how to read music, and frankly it’s both unnecessary for learning guitar and dumb. What weirdo came up that idea, for reals? How am I supposed to know about treble clefs and arpeggios, and what the heck are “beamed sixteenth notes” anyway?!

Thinks he's so cool...

So there you have it, a very basic guitar lesson. If you ACTUALLY want to learn how to play, I don’t recommend using this “guide.” But hey, even though learning an instrument can be kinda frustrating, when you’re doing it for God it suddenly becomes a whole lot easier, or at least more fun. Besides, most Christian songs are only like 3 chords.

P.S. I don’t really have much more to say about this. If you love artists like Phil Wiggums, Chris Tomblinde, and David Crowberg (I spelled their names wrong on purpose because I think it’s funny and that’s how I roll) and find yourself singing along to some of their tunes, give guitar a try. You’d be surprised how passionate you might find yourself when you’re playing songs about God. I have a feeling He really likes music.

“Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.” - Ephesians 5:19-20

-sam

Masculinity

“If this man were not from God, he could do nothing.” - John 9:33

Recently it has come to my attention that my blog is lacking in a very important aspect. It’s called “Man vs. Bible” but there’s not much MANLINESS going on here, and that’s just plain wrong. God made me to be a MAN, not some sissy that draws dolphins all day. It’s roundabout time to compensate (maybe OVER-compensate?!) for all the posts that haven’t been at least %150 MANLY.

Is that erupting volcano shaped like a cross? Yes. Yes it is.

What exactly makes the bible so masculine, you ask? Questions like that are for NON-MEN, but I’ll tell you anyway in case you forgot. Here’s a list (in no particular order) of what qualifies under the complex criteria of MANLINESS:

1. Meat

“Eat anything sold in the meat market without raising questions of conscience” - 1 Corinthians 10:25

Did you know that the word “MAN” is in the bible 2,747 times? That’s almost three thousand. That’s twice as many square acres as the average forest fire. Any more MANLY, and the bible might turn into a steak.

The 't' in 't-bone' now stands for Thessalonians.

There is so much meat throughout the Old and New Testaments, you could probably eat the pages of your bible and get a year’s worth of protein. You know what would be even better? If you drenched them in barbeque sauce first. Then the Word would be INSIDE of you (and delicious.)

If you get a stomach-ache, you are not a MAN.

Meat tastes good. This is an indisputable fact, but I wouldn't consume nearly as much beef as I do on a daily basis if I thought it wasn't good for me. Meat gives you valuable iron and protein, vitamins that give your muscles what they need to build and become stronger. Despite what some many nutritionists may tell you, your soul needs vitamins, too. Reading from your bible every day strengthens your faith, and helps prevent spiritual arthritis.

2. Fighting Large Animals

“In the midst of lions, I am forced to dwell among ravenous beasts” - Psalm 57:4

Make no mistake, there is nothing quite as MANLY as taking on a beast using only the bare hands that God gave you and your body made out of muscles. The bible is riddled with stories of MEN battling tremendous creatures comprised entirely of teeth, claws, and anger.

For example, Jonah, although a coward at first for running from God, not only overcame his fear but overcame the giant sea monster that ATE HIM by finally trusting in the Lord’s will.

“Now the Lord provided a huge fish to swallow Jonah, and Jonah was in the belly of the fish three days and three nights.” - Jonah 1:17

(Note: Jonah may have actually been vomited out on a beach, but even so, that’s still pretty manly.)

God only presents us with obstacles so that we can overcome them. If you try to run away, not only does that make you NOT MANLY, but also not willing to trust God. That, much like the inside of a giant fish, is not somewhere you want to be.

3. Honor Like a Champ

"Moreover, the Father judges no one, but has entrusted all judgment to the Son, that all may honor him just as they honor the Father." - John 5:22-23

Guys in the biblical era were into honor almost as much as they were into super fast chariots, which were the equivalent of sports cars back in their day.

(Note: Though a terrible representation of a horse, this is actually a very accurate representation of how bad I am at drawing horses.)

A major responsibility of being a MAN was going to war without question or fear for the sole purpose of slaying some giants to bring glory to God. Naturally, this was some Old Testament-type heavy stuff, as violence, though definitely manly, is not really cool anymore. Jesus made that abundantly clear, and NO ONE was more MANLY than the Son of Man, son.

It’s still important to defend your honor in the present day, just don’t get it confused with pride. It’s way more MANLY to be humble than prideful.

“Wisdom’s instruction is to fear the Lord, and humility comes before honor.” - Proverbs 15:33

And anyway, pride is for lions (see Number 2.)

4. Chivalry

“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise.” - Proverbs 31:30-31

Okay, so maybe chivalry wasn't exactly a prevalent theme in the bible, but those were different times. Nowadays, it’s ALL about being a gentleman, ‘cuz you can’t spell 'gentle’ without ‘MAN.’ (Don’t correct me, I know what I said.) If you don’t open your car door (TRUCK door if you’re a REAL MAN) for your lady-friend, then you fail at dating and maybe YOU should be the one wearing heels. Treat women with respect, because not only are they better looking than you, they are also more dignified and in all likelihood more smarterer. (Science.)

The lesson here is that it takes more than just muscle to be a MAN; it takes heart. (Although the heart is a muscle.)

A muscle full of CHOCOLATE.

5. Glorifying God

“Jesus replied, ‘What is impossible with man is possible with God.” - Luke 18:27

Hold the phone, hombre. Did you think the list was done already? I’m sorry, I thought this was Man vs. Bible, not Man vs. IMPATIENCE. This is the most important part of being a REAL MAN, and I’ll tell you why; without God, there would be no meat, no large animals, no honor, and no ladies to be chivalrous towards. What kind of a world would that be? Not one I would want to live in.

Being a good MAN means glorifying God in everything you do. Real MEN aren’t selfish and they don't rely on themselves. I don’t care how many sharks you can lift during your morning workout, if you’re not doing it for God, you’re WEAK SAUCE.

That said, nothing puts hair on your chest like serving the Lord. In fact, after the flood, Noah had so much chest hair that his family often mistook him for one of the bears they had brought with them aboard the ark.

P.S. I hope this foray into masculinity has been both entertaining and educational. Not only is this a personal expression of one of my own influences in how I'm living my life for God, but a collection of sentiments that anyone can apply to their walk with Christ, regardless of gender. Man or woman, strength, toughness, and a level head are qualities that God bestowed on each of and every one of us, maybe just in different ways.

Study your bible like a man, man (even if you’re not a man.) Feel free to comment/follow.

-sam

Running

“The name of the lord is a fortified tower; the righteous run to it and are safe.” - Proverbs 18:10

Running is awesome. You will rarely find me running, but that’s not because I don’t enjoy it. Running gets your blood pumping, burns calories, and releases endorphins (see below) which makes you feel great.

(This is seriously how I picture endorphins in my brain.)

I would probably run more often, but

A. I prefer riding my bike

Yeah, I make race car noises. So what?

B. When I do run, people riding bikes pass me and I feel like I’m losing to them

C. It makes me feel like I’m being chased by something

These excuses, (while totally valid and understandable and definitely not lame or pathetic) however, are nowhere near enough to keep some people from hitting the path. Some people were just born to run. God blessed them with strong legs and an even stronger heart.

Time to lay off the cardio for a while.

That said, running is just as much about strength of mind as it is strength of body. This is a sport that takes what I believe to be one of the most admirable qualities you can find in a person; determination.

The kind of person who can convince themselves to push beyond their physical limits, to challenge themselves every day to improve, to encourage others by setting an example with their own abilities; someone like that isn’t just running for themselves. They’re running for God. I would feel safe putting faith in a person like that.

“Flee! Run for your lives, become like a bush in the desert.” - Jeremiah 48:6

Wait, bushes can't run...

The reason I included that verse is because I really love the phrase, “Run for your life.” Don’t get me wrong, I know that it means ‘run away, because if you don’t, something is probably going to get you and then in all likelihood going to eat you,’ but I like to think it has more meaning than that.

When I read “run for your life,” it makes me imagine running to God to get to my eternal life.

It’s like God is at the finish line, and He knows how exhausted you are and how hard you worked to get there and He’s just waiting to refresh you and congratulate you and reward you with the greatest prize imaginable: a place at His side in the Kingdom of Heaven.

“I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” - Philippians 3:14

It's a metaphor for Heaven.

God doesn’t care how sweaty and gross you are, or how you almost said a swear word when you stepped in that huge puddle back there (look, you got mud all over your running shoes, and let's be honest, it would be easier to go and spend another $59.99 on a new pair instead of trying to clean that stuff off with an old toothbrush and dish soap, which doesn't even work. Why don't they just invent shoe soap? Or better yet, just un-invent mud puddles?)

God just wants you to keep moving forward and He will give you anything you need to keep you from giving up.

That's supposed to look like purple sweat. My bad.

All you have to do is ask, and God can make the marathon of life seem like a walk in the park.
 
P.S. This post was inspired by one of the coolest people I’ve ever met. Her name is Katie, and not only is she an incredible runner, but an incredible writer. She is doing God’s work every day, and through her running and blogging, she’s doing something really amazing. I strongly, strongly encourage you to check out her blog and support her efforts and her cause here:

http://runningtothewell.blogspot.com/

http://runningtothewell.blogspot.com/

I know I linked it twice, that's just how good it is. It’s way better than mine, so don’t rub it in. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going for a run.

-sam

Failure

“However, if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name.” - 1 Peter 4:16

Have you ever had an accident that you’re not exactly proud to announce to the world? I very recently experienced what can only be described as one of the most hilariously pathetic moments of my life, and since the keyword here is in fact “hilariously,” I’ve decided to share it with you.

It’s not what you think; I didn’t wet the bed or anything gross like that. I did, however, manage to wet the bible. (With water.)

You’re probably thinking, “How is that even possible? Something that idiotic would require less coordination than a one-eyed chicken with a peg leg.” Well, you're absolutely right! I am even more awkward than the most pitifully handicapped imaginary animal that I can think of at the moment.

Nothing wrong with a pirate chicken.

I am not really known for my clumsiness outside the dance floor, but this particular incident may change that.

I invent all my own moves.

There’s no point in dragging this out, so I’ll just tell the story now.

It was a quiet evening at home, I was in bed already so it must have been around 11 p.m. I was having trouble getting to sleep that night, so as usual, I busted out my iPhone & headphones and hit up my Sleepy Time playlist (don’t judge me.) This method always does the trick and in a matter of minutes, I was dozing off.

Now, before I describe the terrible event that was to come, I need to show you the layout of my room so you understand the exact magnitude of my utter failure at life.

This picture is really boring, so I drew you a walrus.

It should also be noted that my bed is basically two mattresses on a wooden frame about a foot and a half tall laying directly on the ground. There’s no space underneath for losing valuable objects, spiders to inhabit, or monsters to hide on the off chance my childhood nightmares decide to become reality.

90% sleep-proof.

Because of this, instead of a night stand, I just use the floor next to my headboard. I’m a bit of a risk taker when it comes to bedside paraphernalia. What can I say? I like to lay it all on the line. My devil-may-care attitude proved to by my downfall, however, as somehow in the midst of falling asleep, my arm with iPhone in hand managed to fall in just the perfect way to come in contact with my glass of water.

Imagine a flood of biblical proportions. Endless tidal waves poured out of the cup, engulfing anything and everything in their destructive path, bringing with them an armada of ice cube-shaped glaciers to emphasize the devastation.

"The waters rose greatly on the earth, and all the high mountains under the entire heavens were covered." - Genesis 7:19

(That may be slightly exaggerated. It may have been more like this:)

My hand must have been splashed by the freezing water because I jolted awake and upright. In a matter of seconds, my brain made the complete transition from “What? I’m asleep, go away.” to “HOLY CRAP, EVERYTHING IS RUINED FOREVER!”

My initial reaction was to throw my phone across the room at a dangerous velocity as instinct told me that this was the most valuable object in immediate danger of becoming wet, and thusly, broken.

Next was Mr. Laptop, who had been foolishly placed in close proximity to Mr. Water, and those two do not get along well to say the least.

To keep him away from the watery fate that would surely have been his untimely end, I kicked Mr. Laptop across the floor in a moment of sheer panic.

Only then did I notice that by taking the time to launch my technology to safety, I had sacrificed a vastly more important instrument at my bedside.

The icy grips of the water had been allowed several crucial seconds to soak through the latter chapters of my bible, including Revelation and at least two of the Epistles. In a flurry of pseudo-swear words, I rescued it from the puddle (lake) that was forming on the carpet.

I'm no potty-mouth.

Still in a state of hysteria, I laid on the floor of my room, opening the pages that had gotten wet and trying to blow them dry, apparently believing that I would be granted magic hairdryer powers. Instead, I only managed to look like a soaking wet, crazy weirdo clutching a bible as if it were an injured baby bird.

Not my greatest moment.

To make matters worse, which I didn’t think was possible, my dog Max sensed the commotion and came to investigate.

Max stared at me momentarily, with a mix of judgment and confusion in his eyes, before proceeding to the disaster area. Seeing the ice cubes strewn across the floor, he began to deliberately pick them up with his tongue.

That's... helpful?

He then turned around to face me, and, realizing that ice cubes are cold, spat them out onto my open bible.

I was not pleased.

Eventually I calmed down enough to find and plug in my desk fan and was pleasantly surprised to watch the water evaporate from the pages and my bible was restored to its original dry and holy state. Aren’t you glad I confessed one of the lowest moments of my adult life to you? And it was even vaguely bible-related to boot! Needless to say, I learned from my mistake. I'll never drink water again.

P.S. So at this point, your list of immediate dangers should include snakes, apples, and now ice water. Your bible isn’t just a book, it’s something you should hold near and dear. It’s not the physical object that’s so important, but the Word that’s written inside. The Word keeps you protected, so obviously you should want to reciprocate that protection. Keep your bible where you can always reach it easily, but out of reach of anything that might damage it. You might smudge or erase or tear a verse that could have changed your life. (Also, that’s a LOT of pages you have to dry out.)

-sam